As I sat there I saw people I knew - a whole bunch of my friends just wandering past. Friends who I haven't been able to find the time to speak with for a long long time, even though we have all this technology in our lives and everything at our fingertips. We talked, laughed and they went on their way. Some felt guilty about spending money they didn't have, others felt happy with their purchases and others were about to spend some birthday money. I don't begrudge any of you this - but it isn't it interesting that everyone was spending their Sunday afternoon getting shiny 'things.' The sun was peeping in and out of the clouds and it was so good to see little children laughing and I spoke to a homeless man and asked him why he was homeless and he told me. Those things were all free and important. I also noticed children on ipads. People scolding their children for swinging shopping bags and losing receipts. Or the men standing around in intimidating uniforms waiting for something to do - they eventually told a boy sipping a pint that he couldn't do that there. The boy sweetly said he understood and walked in a different direction to the one he was going. Do you ever question why you do the things you do? Or if you're feeling sad do people offer words of encouragement? After some heavy talks with the people closest to me in my life it's come to my attention that maybe we don't. Consumerism is ruling our lives, the need for new things, to meet celebrities and look like perfection. Perfection doesn't exist, it isn't attainable. We all know this, surely? We know that purchasing a new top isn't going to make us happy, not really. Advertisement takes up a huge portion of my brain, and that isn't okay with me - I don't want to remember slogans for companies I hate when I forget my friends birthdays. I don't want to buy clothes from companies that don't pay their taxes when I can't afford to pay a measly council tax bill that would be a drop in the ocean to Mr Green.
How often do you think you need something? My electronics keep breaking on me, I'm quite clumsy. I don't have a tv, I don't have a laptop, I don't have a CD player and I don't have an iphone. After months of feeling like I need these things because everyone else does it finally struck me. I actually quite enjoy not watching BBC make a programme about neglect in care homes - because BBC chose to make that programme and that was foolish because now they've terrified a generation of people that love doesn't exist in these places and that is so far from true. I don't need to watch depressing soaps where characters get killed off and have affairs because my life is far more interesting and happier than those. Escapism and distraction reign over this world - or so it felt today as I watched people whizz past not looking where they were going or not looking at this beautiful blue sky that hung above them. When did you last hear someone say 'I'm so happy, being alive is so much FUN!'? Can't remember? Never heard it? I'm going to go all out and say it. Some of us are missing the point. What makes you happy? When did you last do it? How many times do you check your watch to check the time in a day? We have made time up, stop living by it and thinking you're late for everything. Not everybody in the world lives like us. We think we're so sorted because we have shops where you can go and get anything you need and it makes me want to puke because all you need is water and food to survive in the world.
I saw a film Friday that changed my life forever, and how I will live my life from now on. Please watch 'Frank' if you ever doubt that the modern world is detrimental to your health. Watch it if you think it's good for your health. I might be in my own little bubble, but that's fine - it's safe and kind and happy in here and the world scares me so much some days I don't think I can get out of bed. The media has no right to do that to me; I want happy news please. I know bad things happen but good things happen too and people want to cry before they've reached their office at 9am because nothing they've read prior to that has a positive impact on their life. Adverts crash into your brain and tell you what to buy and how to be. When did common sense fall out of ears and we have to be told how much water to drink? My head is swimming with numbers, I retain information like a sponge - experts say 8 glasses of water a day. Experts? Why do I need an expert to tell me how much water to drink? I'm so sick of being told how to live my life - I put myself under enormous pressure to sleep eight hours a night. What if I don't need eight hours? We're all chronically different and people frequently tell me how happy and lovely and kind I am. And I am!! But why aren't you listening to how I am so happy - I have friends turn to me with worries and stress and panic attacks and it's all bullshit. I don't mean you being stressed is a lie; it's a horrid feeling and I have those days for sure. But did you ever think you're scared of spiders because someone can make money from that; you drink endless amounts of alcohol, loose brain cells then wonder why you feel weird for days after and haven't read a book for fun in years. I might be a dork and a hippie and believe in magpies but that helps me get through the day and it'll be the best day. But quietly I feel I'm raging. I'm so angry that we listen to people who know nothing about us and run our country and lie to us about things and scream at each other and talk over one another when they're meant to be responsible adults. They can't even have a civil conversation when it's broadcast for the world to see. Parliament meetings are a joke, it's so mortifying for me to watch the people in charge conduct themselves like that. Anyone else feel the same?
I'm so exhausted by the way the world is and how I feel about it that I just want to lay down and take a nap for a week. When did we let stress become a killer? Or lose faith in the people around us? Why are celebrities so otherly? If you want to lose weight, buy Women's Health - don't post images of skinny girls as 'thinspiration'. Or figure out why you want to lose weight, is it because you feel you want to look like unattainable images of beauty in magazines or because you want to be able to run further, faster and stronger? Our lives are so short, and we're all clambering over each other for validation and approval. When did people start feeling the need to document EVERYTHING? I lost some of my most precious memories in a fire. My 'special box' was in the garage when the engine of my mum's car exploded. My first love letter was burnt to ash, I lost exercise books containing stories I wrote when I was 4. All my photos were deleted in India. Just because these things are gone doesn't mean they didn't exist. I've had so many nights ruined because we spend half the night taking photos of ourselves. When did this vain behaviour become so socially acceptable? I know it's nice to have memories but do we have to have them from 40 different angles?!
This isn't a disheartening piece. My friends (1,466 according to Facebook - that's not healthy) - the real people close to me feel this deep love for life too! If you go to dinner do you say "thank you" to the staff? Or do you go above and beyond with your words and say "that was delicious, thank you so much for making that for me to eat!" - which would you rather be? There are campaigns like NHS Time to Talk and it's actually happening - it makes me far more excited than buying a new dress that I'll wear twice, feel guilty about then Ebay.
I just think we're waiting for miracles when normal, simple everyday life is just grand.
